So many thoughts, so little time

I really thought that as soon as I found out I was pregnant I would have all of these incredible posts to write.  Now, don't get me wrong - there is currently a "5 Favorites" of items that helped get me through my first trimester that has been sitting in my "drafts" folder since my first trimester...I am now in my third.  I've also since had at least a few ideas that I would love to flesh out...I just need to, you know, write.

I haven't shared a lot about my pregnancy on any sort of social media forum - very few pregnant belly photos, and one of the nursery.  In fact, I don't even really have many photos of my belly.  Which is odd because I definitely thought that I would be "that person" who took a belly photo every week.  In fact, I have a feeling I'll regret not doing that...but it is what it is.  I have (of course) thought long and hard about this.  I've come up with a few reasons why I think I've been so hush hush about our little one, our joy.

I don't want to cause anyone pain from any of my postings about my joy, worries, pictures etc.  I know that there are people out there who are struggling with infertility and/or recurrent miscarriages.  I remember the odd mixture of sadness and joy I would feel whenever someone would post their belly photos or baby announcements.  I think about this every time I go to post a photo - and I'm not saying I haven't posted any, but I think that's why I've limited them.

But I've also had to learn that it's ok for me to be happy about this pregnancy and the baby doing flips and tumbles in my belly.  I've also had to learn that it's also ok to not love every single moment of being pregnant.  Overall, I have been blessed with a healthy, relatively easy pregnancy but that certainly doesn't mean there aren't moments of discomfort.  I felt guilty actually voicing any discomforts because we wanted for so long to be pregnant that it didn't feel right saying anything other than positive things.  But that's not being truly present in these moments, and it's ignoring a reality.  I can still be so incredibly grateful for this little life while also dreading the discomforts that come with sleep during the 3rd trimester.

I've also had to learn a whole new level of trust in God.  I realized that throughout this pregnancy I have felt like I won't get to keep this baby.  Depressing, I know.  But it's true.  I think it's normal to feel like it's not real...but it really just hasn't felt real and I feel like I just keep waiting for the "just kidding!  you don't get to hold that sweet baby in your arms!"  I shared this with my coworkers at a meeting one day to ask for prayer and our Vice Principal copied some pages from a mother's prayer book for me.  Boy did those prayers hit right at my heart.  They even spoke of Our Blessed Mother's possible anxiety during her pregnancy for the well being of the unborn Savior.  I've been trying to say these prayers as much as possible - especially during moments when I most feel anxious.  I don't remember the name of the book and I need to get it from her.  Prayer and trust...reminding myself that God has our best interest. 

I am hoping to write more in these last weeks of me being pregnant - only 6 weeks to go!  Any moms out there who have any tips/advice for a newbie who is starting to feel woefully unprepared to be a mom - feel free to pass them along!

One measly letter

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I mentioned in a previous post that I changed the blogs title by one. letter. for greater continuity between the blog and my Etsy shop.  So, in order for you to following me on Bloglovin' I had to do another post with a code.

Ta Da.

WIWS

I haven't done the What I Wore Sunday link up in a while...but I always love getting inspired by others' fashion!

17 week bump!

The dress is consigned from this super cute store I found, Greenberries.  Originally it's from Motherhood and it is incredibly comfortable, which will be good when I head back to work and can only wear skirts and dresses.  Plus I love the length.  My flats are from Payless...and are also incredibly comfortable.

I still can't believe I'm 17 weeks pregnant...and I feel like my "bump" looks bigger in person.  I had my first person at church tentatively ask me if "congratulations were in order."  Yes they are!  And the fact that you felt ok to ask me that must mean that I am leaning on the side of looking pregnant and away from the side of "Hey girl, lay off the McDonalds"

Chris and I officially joined our "new" parish today.  I put new in quotes since technically I've been a parishioner since birth.  We just got a new pastor, which was tough because the previous pastor married Chris and I and we just loved him.  But our new pastor is great.  He is very friendly and goes out of his way to introduce himself to everyone.  He's changing things up a bit which is to be expected I suppose but his homilies have been on point.  Today's was all away gathering around the Lord's table as a family and also about taking the time to have meals with your family sans the distraction of TV and phones.  Chris and I are kind of bad about that...eating in front of the TV I mean.  We still interact with each other but I think we're hoping to make a change and eat dinner at our actual dinner table versus on the couch.

Tonight we're off to a potluck dinner with some of my coworkers to talk about a Bible study we're hoping to start this month.  It's the Jeff Cavins Bible Study and we're really excited for it!

I hope everyone had and continues to have a wonderful, peaceful Sunday.

Go check out some more fashionable ladies at Fine Linen and Purple!

Answer Me This!

First things first, congratulations to our lovely link-up hostess on the birth of her adorable baby girl, Mary Jane!

Now, time for the last Answer Me This for a bit.

1. What's your favorite grocery store splurge?

Hmm right now, a lot of foods don't sound all that appealing to me so I am kind of hating going to the grocery store.  However, POPSICLES!  They're amazing and I want all. the. flavors.  Outshine brand is my current favorite, and their pomegranate flavor is dabomb.com.  So I guess now a days the many (many) boxes of popsicles I am buying are my grocery store splurges

2. How's your penmanship?

Pretty awful actually.  It's legible, but definitely not the flowing script I would love it to look like.  My mother grew up in Colombia where they actually taught penmanship (I totally feel like they need that here in the States) and her handwriting is beautiful.

I agree with Kendra too, a few of my favorite Instagram accounts are Katrina's Hatchprints, Erica's Be a Heart Design, and Carolyn's.  They all have such talent and I love seeing what they come up with next!

3. Do you have a "Summer Bucket List?"

Well, after my little announcement the other day, a lot of my summer bucket list has centered around getting the house and Baby O's room in order.  We found out I was pregnant a week after moving in and let's just say I was less than helpful doing anything around the house my first trimester.  Now that I'm out of the puke zone...sorry, I mean first trimester, I am hoping to paint baby's room, deep clean the house, organize our office which has become a dumping ground for those few boxes we've yet to unpack, tidy up the basement etc. etc.  All this before going back to work full time in August (unrealistic, I know.  But hey, a pregnant girl can dream).

4. What's the best thing on the radio right now?

Oh I am a music lover so questions about music are always hard for me.  Right now, I am loving X Ambassadors - Renegades.  I'd actually never seen the music video before...it's pretty awesome.

I am also loving Walk the Moon - Shut Up and Dance - literally makes me dance ;-) 

And as most readers of this blog know...I am a lover of all things Andrew McMahon so I am obsessed with this song Cecilia and the Satellite - I mean, he's writing a song for his beautiful little girl.  So. Sweet.  Plus I think the name Cecilia is gorgeous.  I love this version of the video - a day in the life (I mean seriously, a baby carrying Andre McMahon?? swoon)

5. Ice cream or Frozen Yogurt?

Psh, I say why make a girl choose - I'll take both!  And what's not to love about places like Sweet Frog with their unlimited topping choices.  Man...now I really want some ice cream or fro yo...

6. Have you had the baby NOW?

No, thank the good Lord.  Baby O is still snuggled up inside my belly where he/she should be!  We had a bit of a scare last week that ended us up in the ER but, again, thanks be to God baby is ok and I am doing much better :-)

Now, get ye to Catholic All Year to check out some other blogger's answers to these questions!

NFP Awareness week you say?

The week where words like "cervical mucous" and "basal body temp" get thrown around casually and we don't bat an eye *wink*  I thought I'd throw in my own post at the end of this week.

If you've read this blog before, then you know my husband and I do not use artificial contraception.  We choose to allow God in the mix and practice NFP.  I can remember friends joking with me before Chris and I got married about how we would have a honeymoon baby if we chose to use NFP...and we didn't.  When we didn't get pregnant for close to a year I mistakenly thought, "man, we have this NFP thing DOWN!"  And then, less than a year after getting married we prayed and decided we were done "not trying" to get pregnant.  We foolishly thought it'd be a sort of, we want, we pray, and BAM next cycle we'll be pregnant!  Little did I know we'd be on way more of a journey than that.  We tried for about 2 years before my OB/GYN recommended we look into the Creighton method of charting and NaPro technology.  So we did.  And became way more friendly with cervical mucous than you probably even care to think or hear about.  We charted, had meetings with our practitioner, and after one...count it ONE cycle we had something to work with.  A Dx of "limited mucous."  Someone once asked me why this was a big deal - well, the short of it is that without good cervical mucous, the sperm has a harder time making it to the egg and the egg does not have a good environment for fertilization.  So what did we do?  I started taking a high dose of vitamin B6 which helped.  A lot.  I then came down with a cold during one cycle and started taking Mucinex for my cold not thinking that it would also help.  Which it did.  A lot, a lot. [Did I mention this may be a little TMI?  Cause...TMI]

About 60 days, give or take, after we began charting we met with out doctor who gave us all the forms we needed to have blood work and other tests done the following cycle to see what was going on.  In the mean time we were in the process of selling our old house and buying a new one.  And then moving in to said new house.

And lo and behold, a week after moving in to our new home...positive pregnancy test.

Yup, you read that right.

Two years of tears, heartache, the most supportive husband, and pretending like this is what we wanted all along led us here.  Psh.  Let's be real.  God led us here.  I am not naive enough to think that we "had it rough," because I know that 2 years is a blip on the radar compared to the sufferings of others...but when you desire with every fiber of your being to be a mother...any amount of time is hard.  Whether it's one month, 6 moths, a year or more.

I truly believe we have NFP (God first of course) to thank for this miracle growing in my belly.  If I were not charting I would not have learned that I had limited mucous and would not have started the B6...which I believe, in combination with the Mucinex, is what helped us to get pregnant.

Now, this is not to say that NFP is always fun, easy, and full of babies.  On the contrary.  It takes work!  Work?!  You're telling me I need to do work??   Yes.  There's charting, abstinence, talking to your spouse, praying etc.  I'd be lying if I said part of what I'm loving about being pregnant is the fact that I don't have to chart.  I don't need to check for mucous every. single. time. I go to the bathroom.  I don't need to decide which sticker, which color is appropriate for the day.

But, bottom line, is it all this NFP stuff worth it? 

Is life worth it?  Because I'd say the one currently snuggled up in my belly is most definitely worth it.

There have been some pretty bangarang NFP week posts that you should most def check out

I love how Carolyn at Svellerella writes - makes me feel like we'd have fun sippin' coffee and talking

I feel like Kendra at Catholic All Year is a Catholic mom I'd aspire to be (and this post is just so. spot. on.)

Haley of Carrots for Michaelmas has a great round up of some NFP posts you should definitely check out.  I think her husband's post is one of my favorites

PS.  I'll write more about the pregnancy in another post, don't you worry

Answer Me This!

I love this link-up and am so glad that Kendra @ Catholic All Year brought it back!  It's summer now, and I am hoping that I can get back into more of a blogging groove...there are some exciting things coming up this summer that I can't wait to share.

But first, Answer Me This!  Head over to Catholic All Year to get to know your fellow bloggers a bit more!

1. How long have you lived in your current home?

Well, Chris and I recently moved May 1st, so we've actually only been in our current home for alllmost 2 months.  I wish I had more photos to share of our new home, but things have seriously been a whirlwind since we moved and I feel like boxes are appearing out of nowhere that STILL need to be unpacked.

Pic from the listing

I love our new home though.  It's a 5 bedroom cape in a little town in Baltimore County called Catonsville.  We're in a quiet cul-de-sac with a big fenced backyard (that Buster loves!) and there's a gorgeous stream that runs behind the house.  Catonsville is a super cute town (that we can walk to) with lots of nice restaurants and shops.  People are so incredibly friendly.  We had neighbors come and introduce themselves when we moved in, and even brought us some cake!  And again, there was an antique shop that was going out of business and we bought this beautiful replica of a House of Representatives desk

Looks very similar to this - gorgeous, right?

Anyway, we underestimated how big the desk was and we could not fit it into our car.  I feel like any other place would have said - tough cookies, come back later.  But not these owners!  They brought their own SUV around and drove our desk to our house.  I was shocked at their kindness.

Bottom line, I love our new home and the town we live in.

2. How do you find out about news and current events?

Usually through social media.  The news kind of depresses me so I try to avoid it (which I know is not the right way to view it...).  But thankfully there are many more well informed people on social media who post things that I try to read.  

3. Would you be able to make change for a twenty right now?  For a dollar?

I hardly even carry cash with me.  Which is actually something that I am hoping to change soon.  I think it would help with budgeting to have set cash amounts for items like groceries, clothes, yarn etc.  Change for a dollar though I most likely could do - I hate being in line in a store when I do actually pay with cash and having to search for exact change...so I end up paying with bills only and inevitably end up with even more change, perpetuating the problem of trying to get rid of the change.

4. What's the craziest food you've ever eaten?

To be honest, I don't think I've eaten many "crazy" things.  When we've traveled I do try to eat local cuisine.  When Chris and I were on our cruise for our honeymoon they would have "foods you may never have tried" every night on the menu.  And we tried some every night.  We tried alligator, frog legs, mako shark, escargo.  And it was all delicious.  I also once was tricked into eating rabbit when we were visiting family in Colombia...I wasn't very happy about that one, all I could picture was cute little Thumper.

5. Which of the commonly removed parts have you had removed? (tonsils, wisdom teeth, appendix, etc.)

I've had my wisdom teeth (and a few other teeth) removed and that's about it.  I have been told many times I should have my tonsils out...but never had it done.

6. What's your favorite sport to watch on TV?

Are you ready for some FOOTBALL!  I love watching football.  I never used to be into any sort of sport growing up but when I got to college, so many of my friends were die hard football fans that I decided to give it a go, and fell in love the with sport (and my team, the Baltimore Ravens).  And I have to say, it's nice sharing this with Chris.  We love our Sundays during the season - mass, brunch, and an afternoon of football

Now, head back over to Catholic All Year and read some other posts!

Oh!  Also...if you used to follow my blog and are now finding that I don't "pop up" anywhere, for continuity between the blog and Etsy I changed the name by one. measely. letter.  So it is now glorydesignbytiffany.blogspot.com (versus glorydesignSby tiffany).  Wasn't sure how and if anyone cared enough to get the word out...but. now you know.  And knowing is half the battle *wink*

Little Gemma Designs - Faith inspired designer jewelry

From the time I was a little girl, I have always looked up to my sister - both literally and figuratively.  Now we're the same height so it's more so figuratively at this point.  She is an incredibly beautiful, faithful, talented woman of God.  She is an amazing mom to my two nieces and a wonderful wife.  Growing up we weren't as close as we could have been (there's not much a 6 and 16 year old have in common) but as I've gotten older, we have gotten a lot closer - I consider my sister to be my best friend, the one person I can go to about anything and the only person who will actually truly tell me like it is.

I know I already mentioned how talented she is, but here, let me give you a few examples.  When she was in high school/college she kept a sketchbook.  I was obsessed with it.  She usually did not want to share, so I often resorted to sneaking in to look at it when she wasn't home (sorry Ness!).  I could look at that book for hours, and still to this day have vivid memories of the drawings in there (especially the Looney Toons characters).  Each drawing looked like an exact replica of the original.  I so greatly admired that talent and felt so proud that MY sister had done it.  Fast forward to her married life.  My sister has a great natural talent for decorating - a talent that I don't ever imagine I will quite have.  Her home looks like the pages of Southern Living or some other home magazine.  She even used this talent to have her own staging business - and boy was she good at it.  To me, decorating takes a certain level of creativity, and her staging business always seems like another expression of her sketchbook.  And these are just 2 examples or her incredible drive and talent.  Don't even get me started on the numerous furniture pieces that she has turned into amazing works of art.  Or her daughters' nursery that looks like a dream.

When my sister begins an endeavor, she throws herself into it 110% and you can be sure to expect nothing less of perfection.  As I am sure you moms know, having children can limit your time and space to express yourself creatively.  I saw that my sister was struggling with this.  Let's be real, my sister is an artist, and when an artist/creative person cannot express themselves creatively it can be a drain on them emotionally, spiritually, and physically.  So I have been encouraging my sister for years to get back into the creative spirit.

Which finally leads me to the point of this post.  My sister has begun her own jewelry making business called Little Gemma Designs (a lovely play on words - Gemma both for St. Gemma Galgani and the word "gemma" also means gem or jewel).  Her tagline is "On-trend expressions of faith inspired by my little gems from Heaven."  You know those super popular Alex and Ani bracelets?  I never knew this, but they are super new-agey and I even heard that they may have been "blessed" by people that we as Catholics do not want items blessed by.  Unfortunately, I found out about all of this AFTER buying my sister a couple bracelets.  Boy was I disappointed - however, I think that partly inspired my sister even more to follow through with her jewelry endeavor (so at least some good came out of that fail of a gift).  She makes Pandora style rosary bracelets and her bangles are called the Ellie and Emmie - and SO much better than the non-Catholic version.  She makes beautiful pendant style necklaces and also has her own version of Origami Owl (hers are called Blessed Butterfly) that doesn't cost an arm and a leg.  Check out some of her designs and be sure to head to her Etsy page - and remember, with any purchase you're supporting a stay-at-home mom of 2 beautiful girls.  Plus, like I said before, when my sister does something, she does it 110% so you can be assured that every item you receive is expertly crafted.

Example of the "Blessed Butterfly"

Rosary bracelet

Scarf Pendant

Example of the Ellie and Emmie

The Ellie and Emmie - https://www.etsy.com/listing/235054061/catholic-bangle-unique-design-adjustable?ref=shop_home_active_6

Rosary Bracelet https://www.etsy.com/listing/235445768/st-gerard-rosary-bracelet-european-charm?ref=related-2

See what I mean??  They're beautiful, aren't they?
So, again, please go visit Little Gemma Designs!  And if you don't see a medal you wanted, or if you have a devotion to a particular saint, my sister would be happy to custom make something for you.

God Bless!

NIAW

“I am just still so full of hope!”  I said that to my husband this morning as we were getting ready for work.

This is National Infertility Awareness Week.  This is one week out of the year when the silent crosses that 1 in 8 couples carry is brought to the attention of the masses.  I still find it difficult to talk about – here or in person, but I have slowly become more open with those closest to me (and apparently anyone who reads this blog).

As I wrote about in an earlier post, we have begun the journey into NaPro technology and Creighton charting.  In fact, today we had our first meeting with our NaPro doctor to discuss where we go from here and to look over our chart.  So next cycle we start blood tests & sonograms & apparently dye getting put in places that I would never want it to be.

BUT!  The hope.  I am in love with hope – probably to the point of recklessness.  Take this cycle for example (we’re about to flirt with the “TMI” line, just as a forewarning).  A couple cycles ago I was “diagnosed” with limited mucus and was told to begin taking 500mg of sustained release B6.  I was thrilled.  Here was something I could work with!  And taking a vitamin to help?  Heck yea I can do that! 

Next cycle was better…no positive, but better.  And then this cycle I get sick at the beginning and start taking Mucinex.  And then whoa – that plus the B6 created quite the combination.  My whole cycle this month has just been off…and every little thing that could be seen as a potential early pregnancy sign?  Yea, I’m convinced I have it.  But there’s still 2 weeks before knowing for sure.  I just keep saying to myself, “this could be it!  You may not even need the doctor!”

And then I begin thinking…I can’t post this blog post or pin that infertility awareness pin and then 2 weeks later turn up pregnant!  That doesn’t seem right/fair/kind to others!  This is going to sound odd…but I feel like an “infertility impostor.”  I think about friends who have had multiple miscarriages, or my sister who carried the cross of infertility for 11 years.  ELEVEN!  My measly 2 years looks laughable in comparison. [This is just how I feel…by no means is 2 years of infertility laughable, please don’t take this the wrong way]

Besides the ache to hold my own child in my arms…this is probably the thing that I struggle with the most.  I make excuses to those people who do know about it and downplay how I am feeling big time…because I feel like an impostor.  But what’s even worse is that I WANT to be an “imposter” because that would mean that I am pregnant!

These swirly thoughts are exhausting – let me tell ya!  Anyway…enough about me.  Let’s take a look at some great suggestions on how to support your friends with infertility.  I literally burst into tears when I read the sixth way because I totally relate.

http://www.catholicnewsagency.com/mamaneedscoffee/2015/04/9-ways-to-support-a-couple-experiencing-infertility/

For those of you who don’t know what Creighton and NaPro are – here are some good resources

http://www.naprotechnology.com/

http://www.creightonmodel.com/

Keeping you all in prayer.

Many Updates.

I am currently typing this post on my new 2-in-1 HP Pavilion laptop *big smile*  My other laptop has been dead for ages and while I have a loaner tablet from work, it never felt right using it for anything but work things.  Plus, I certainly wasn't about to upload photos onto a work computer.  So, once again I return.

There has been a lot going on.  The biggest of which is...we're moving!  I did a novena to St. Joseph just prior to listing...and it worked out that we listed our townhouse on the feast of St. Joseph.  3 days later we had our first offer...2 days after that we had 3 total offers and accepted one at 10K over our asking price!  Then...to give you a few more chills, we fell in love with a house and put in an offer...our offer was accepted on the Feast of the Annunciation.  God is good...all the time.

We're moving from a 2 bed 2.5 bath town house to a 5 bed 2.5 bath single family home - so come vist!  We'll have lots of room *wink*.  We're going to have a yard!  And I will have an office/craft room that I am just itching to set up.  We settle on our townhouse April 29 and on the new home May 1 so we are already deep in the thick of packing.  Which is daunting, let me tell you.

Would you like a little tour of the home that was our first?  Ps. our house never has and probably never will look this clean again.

Entry way...kitchen on the Right

Kitchen...painted those cabinets ourselves!

Dining area and Living room

no fireplace in the new home...I'll miss it

1st floor

basement family room 

office/laundry

Master bedroom...the room that sold us on this house 

basement bath

guest room

the deck Chris and his dad & brothers built

I still can't really believe we're moving.  Chris and I are both so excited to be a. closer to our jobs and b. to have a little more space.  We're moving to Catonsville which is a small suburb of Baltimore County.  It'll cut both of our commute times down which will be really nice.  Plus we can walk to "old Catonsville" which has a ton of cute shops/coffee shops/farmers markets etc.  AND we'll be able to become parishioners at the parish that I grew up in.  I got a little thrill of joy thinking about the possibility that if/when we have children, they'll be able to grow up in the same church I did!  Once we're in the new place I'll post some pictures.

I'm also excited that once I have a designated space for my laptop/camera/crafting supplies I'll really be able to dedicate some time and energy to getting my Etsy shop to where I want it.  I've already put out a request on my Facebook page that anyone who has ordered from me - if they don't mind having pictures of their children and/or themselves on my shop to let me know if I can use photos of them wearing or using my items.  And one of my co-workers/friends who has a photography business on the side offered to take professional pics of my items this summer (which I really hope actually happens!)

To give you an update on what I've been working on crochet wise...I recently feel in love with this Animal Alphabet crochet blanket by Repeat Crafter Me.  So I have started to work on the appliques.  Here's what I have so far:

A is for Alligator.  B is for Butterfly

C is for crab (cause we're in MD!) D is for Dog, E is for Elephant, F is for Fox

F is for Fox, G is for giraffe, H is for hedgehog, and I is for iguana

That's all I've got for now.  Just thought I'd update this real fast.  Hope you all are doing well :-)

God Bless.

Anxiety is a form of Atheism

Oddly enough, it was thinking about learning how to ski that prompted me to think about writing this post.  "Anxiety is a form of atheism."  If you're anything like me, that sentence kind of feels a bit like being punched in the gut (or what I think being punch in the gut might feel like). A few months ago a priest at our parish gave a homily, and I don't really remember much of what he said other than this line.  And I'm pretty sure I teared up.

*Now, as a counselor I feel like I need to state a caveat here.  I do not mean clinically diagnosed anxiety - I mean your run of the mill, daily worries.  Worries that do not impair your life...are just more so annoyances.  So from here on, when I say anxiety, that it what I mean*

Anyway, I teared up and felt like I had just gotten punched in the gut because anxiety is something that I struggle with big time.  Here, let me give you a pictorial example of what I mean:

My mind is a scary place - and I have mastered the art of reframing my cognitive distortions (BOOM - you've been counseled).  However, it's still something that is a daily occurrence and something I work on constantly.  So, when my in-laws and my husband proposed we take a mini vacay to go skiing and I can learn how to ski...well my mind clearly started jumping to the worst conclusions.  Despite that, my answer was an enthusiastic (I think) yes.

But then I start thinking...what if I run into a tree?  What if I just simply can't learn how to ski?  What will my husband and in-laws think of me then?  They'll be so disappointed.  What happens if I break a bone, or get a concussion?  What if I fall off the ski lift?  What if I fall and roll all the way down the hill?  ... and that is just a glimpse into the many thoughts that ran around in my mind.

But then one morning I was driving to work and I started thinking...what kind of an example of faith am I if I just walk around as one big...anxiety girl?  "If God is for us, who can be against us" Rom 8:31  When people see me and/or talk to me I want to be an example of that.  I was to show people the trust and faith that I have in God...but the multitude of worries that I have does not quite do that.

And I think that is what the priest was trying to say in that homily.  We need to trust and rely on God so completely that our anxieties are gone, or at the very least, lightened.  We need to lay our anxieties on Him.  He carries our burdens.  And this is certainly not something that can just happen with the flip of a switch.  It's completely changing what our initial, gut reaction is to things.  When we're faced with situations that cause us anxiety, how to we handle them?  Do we instantly jump to the worst conclusions and feel our heart rates rise and our palms get sweaty?  Or do we pause a moment, take a deep breath and remind ourselves to "cast our cares on the Lord." 

Will this be easy?  Heck no.  In fact, I'm getting anxious just thinking about it *wink*  But I do believe that with time, it will help.  Our anxiety will be lessened, and soon it will be second nature to give our anxieties to God rather than letting them consume us.

I recently read a devotion over at Blessed Is She (have you checked them out and subscribed yet?  Daily readings and devotions straight to your email...don't miss out!).  It really spoke to me and seemed to fit in perfectly with the theme of this post.  The devotion talked about how we are continually instructed in the Bible to not be afraid.  And the writer leaves us with this question, "What fears are preventing you from walking in His ways?" 

My "new years resolution" ties in with this idea of giving God our anxieties as well.  I have a tendency to avoid going to events/meetings/talks etc. when I don't know people who are going.  Why?  Anxiety.  I get nervous and anxious about not knowing anyone.  Will anyone talk to me?  Will I look like a total loser who has no friends?  What if I say something stupid and then no one really will talk to me!?  I work myself up so much that I end up not going...and I miss out on some fantastic opportunities to grow in faith and fellowship.  So...my new years resolution has been that I will not let my social anxiety keep me from going to events that will help me grow in my faith and will help me meet new people who can hold me accountable in my faith.

Who's going to join me in a year in which we transform our anxiety atheism into trusting God with our whole heart, mind, body and soul?

Well, now that I've rambled on for days...I'll leave you with picture proof that I actually went (and survived) skiing

so bundled up you can't see an inch of skin...

Granny Waves Pattern

Ok, so this is going to be a super quick post.  Mostly for my own benefit since I want this pattern written out.
*DISCLAIMER: This pattern is not my own - I am just writing it out from a video that you can find here*

I was at work yesterday joking with my coworkers that I've been itching for a "big" project to crochet.  I had originally thought maybe I'd start working on a Ravens blanket for myself to go with the Jets blanket I made for Chris.  But then...my coworker did a little Google search and found a blanket pattern she really liked.

The original inspiration

She wanted something with a beachy feel and she loved that this looked almost like waves.  I originally found this pattern and tried to follow it...and failed miserably.  Don't ask me why...I'm sure plenty of other people could and have followed it just fine but my lil ol' brain just could not wrap itself around it.  So then, naturally, my...competitive?  spirit came out and I just. had. to. figure. this. pattern. out.  I had already bought the perfect colors of yarn

Perfect beachy feel!

So, I did my own quick Google search and ended up finding this video.  I almost clicked away because...German.  However, I decided to just try and watch the video and see if I could transcribe what I was seeing...and it worked!  So, without further ado...here is a transcription of the Granny Spiral...or Granny Wave as I'm calling it.

You will need four colors of yarn (A, B, C, and D)

I used Caron Simply Soft in the following colors

A: Soft Green

B: Sage

C: Berry Blue

D: Ocean

And my Boye Crochet Dude size H -5.00mm hook

SS = slip stitch

SC = single crochet

CH = chain

HDC = half double crochet

DC = double crochet

With A, create a magic Ring (Here is a tutorial for the magic ring if you are not familiar with the technique).  Chain 1.  12 SC in ring.  Join with SS to first stitch.

Round 1:

 Ch 1

*SC in next stitch.  HDC in next, 2 DC in next stitch*.  When you have finished with the last DC pull a large loop up of A.  Remove hook from loop

Connect color B in the same stitch as the 2 DC, ch 1.  Repeat from * around with remaining colors

Another shot of where to attach

Loop pulled up

where to attach the next color

How it looks at end of first round

Round 2:

Place your hook back in the loop of A that you left.  *DC in the next stitch (this is where you joined color B and ch 1 from previous round)

2 DC in next 3 stitches

1 DC in last stitch* (the last stitch is directly under the large loop of each color.  you may need to pull the loop a little to the side so that you can see where the stitch is)

Pull up a large loop of A, take your hook out of the loop and move on to the large loop of B.

where to place first stitch

Where to place the last stitch

Repeat from * with B, C, and D.

Round 3:

Place your hook back in the loop with color A left from previous round

*DC in same stitch.  Ch 2.  2 DC in same stitch

DC in next 8 stitches*

When you are finished with color A, pull up a large loop, remove hook and place it in the loop with color B from previous round

Repeat from * with B, C, and D

Round 4:

Place hook back in loop with color A

*1 DC in next stitch

2 DC ch 2 2 DC in previous ch 2 space

DC in next 3 stitches

HDC in next 3 stitches

SC in next 3 stitches

SS in final stitch (that stitch under the large loop from previous round) and ch 1.  Fasten off.

OPTIONAL:  I did not fasten off my color A and instead continued around the square placing 1 sc in each stitch and 2 sc ch 2 2 sc in each ch 2 space.  it cleans up the edges and I think will make it a little easier to join when all the squares are done.  (I hope)

Before border

With border

2 done...how they will all look together

I will update this post with pictures to illustrate as I am going so it might help with understanding some of the different steps.  If you like this pattern and want to give it a try...let me know if it makes any sense and any changes you would recommend.  I'm also wondering if I can connect the squares without borders...so clearly this is still a work in progress.

Another friend of mine wondered if this could just be done as one big granny wave...which would be cool but I'm not sure how I would do that.  Something else to figure out.  Or another pattern to find, I bet there's one out there.

Happy Weekend ya'll!

White baby...stickers

Yesterday, Chris and I attended an introductory session about the Creighton model of NFP.  (by the way, lets all ignore the fact that I haven't blogged in months and jump right back into this!)

I saw my doctor in November, and after hearing that Chris and I had been hoping to be pregnant for over a year she suggested we learn the Creighton model, especially considering my family history.  I may have mentioned this, but the Creighton model and NaPro technology is what helped my sister get pregnant with my niece after 11 years of infertility.

We had already attended an NFP intro session when we were engaged and had been charting since then - but I still felt like I learned some new things during this session.

One sentence that really stuck out to me, and I don't know why I've never thought of it this way, was "If women are at most times infertile, then the couple is at most times infertile."  It seems like one of those "well, duh" sentences and yet, I had never thought of it like that.

Anyway, so we reviewed anatomy and physiology and then got into the details of charting.  We were already familiar with charting, but this time we will only be charting cervical mucus (I am 27 years old and still hate that word...) and using fun stickers!  We are entering into a world of red, green, white baby and green baby stickers.

I am still holding out so. much. hope.  Every month.  "Hope does not disappoint."  "We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure."  Two of my favorite verses.  I'm starting to feel a little ridiculous for letting this take up so much space in my mind and heart.  There are so many other blessings in my life, why am I fixating on this one thing??  I keep thinking, well, maybe this will be the month, and then we won't need to worry about all this!  My doctor will be shocked, our follow ups with the Creighton lady will be easy peasy.  But, then I remember some other things I learned last night...some of the things I've noticed about my cycle seem to point to sub- or infertility and low progesterone.  Although I probably shouldn't jump to any conclusions yet, right?

Ok enough about our journey into charting biomarkers (ha!  I avoiding have to say...the "m" word).

Christmas and New Years were fabulous (and eventful, but we can leave that for another post).  I have a recap in the works but in the mean time I figured I'd leave you with this.  Maybe I'm back for good?  Here's hoping.

Here's some pictures from the past few months to liven this post up a bit:

I got bangs!  New year, new hair

Crochet santa hat...first pattern I've made on my own

Favorite Christmas tradition

Festive Buster!

One of many new projects...gift card holder

Snow White @ work

Dinosaur set...hat, diaper cover, and booties

Boy & Girl minions!

My first Ravens game!!

bulletin board in my office "Be who you are, and be that perfectly well" St. Frances de Sales

Another wall in my office. 

"We are each of us like a small mirror in which God searches for his reflection" St. John Vianney

Hubs turned 29!

drowsy owl

elephant (for a friend's baby...she is obsessed with elephants)

white cabinets and new lighting and appliances