If you missed the first part you can read that
here.
So, where were we?
Ah, yes. I was fighting tooth and nail again this Jersey boy while he was doing his best to win over this "different" girl's heart. We got to know each other pretty well during the months we were texting, emailing, talking etc. I remember being surprised with myself for how honest I was being with him. And I learned plenty bout Chris as well. The majority of what he told me, I loved. He was incredibly smart, we had conversations that made me feel out of my league. He could make me laugh like no other. He was kind, and could say things that would literally make me melt into a puddle of mush. And I found myself looking forward to hearing from him more and more each day.
However, there were some "stumbling blocks." For one, I had never dated a guy who had "been" with other girls. I found it increasingly more difficult to forget that part of his past and wondered whether it would be something I could deal with. He also had proclaimed himself an agnostic. He was raised Catholic, used to be very involved with the church, but fell away big time when he went to college. Yet again, I could not look past this and it caused me a lot of heartache and worry since I could no longer deny that I was feeling more than just "friendly" feelings for him.
Chris attempted, multiple times, to arrange a time and place for us to get together and actually go on a date. They all fell through. I kept taking it as a sign. My heart on the other hand, wasn't listening about any "signs." The same time that Chris was attempting to arrange a date for us, he was also looking for a job in Baltimore. Which he claimed he wanted to move even before we met...but I'm skeptical about that one.
It's around this time that I had that conversation with a friend that I spoke about
here. I wasn't sure if I should continue talking to Chris. I was having an internal fight about the man I pictured myself marrying (a devout Catholic) versus the man I was very slowly falling for (a proclaimed agnostic). She asked me if Chris was willing to grow with me in faith, or was he uninterested. I thought about it. He was always willing to listen to me, always willing to learn. He never once shut me down when I talked about my faith. She reminded me about allowing people grace. Room to grow. Doesn't God allow us grace, forgiveness, mercy each and every day?
With that on my heart and mind, Chris and I finally were able to have our first date. He had an interview with a financial firm in Baltimore and asked if we could meet up afterwards for lunch. I had classes that day but told him when I would be free and we agreed to meet at The Greene Turtle which was next to my graduate school building. A few hours before we were set to meet, I get a text that says something like this "You're going to hate me, but I just realized I left my wallet at home..." Home at that point was still about 3 hours away..Irrational me read that text as "So, I left my wallet at home which means I can't pay for our first date and I hope that you will cancel on me because I no longer want to go on this date with you." Yea. Super healthy. And I was in school to become a counselor at this time...more like I needed counseling! Anyway, I told him it didn't matter, lunch was on me. *This date is a running joke between us now* It was awesome getting a chance to talk with him in person and I was nervous as heck leading up to it, so it was a relief that it went so well.
We continued talking and trying to go on a second date. Which didn't happen until July 4th when he came down for the weekend to meet my parents and friends. It was an awesome weekend. My parents like him, my friends liked him, and I just kept liking him more. Having been completely up front with him from the beginning, he was a complete gentleman with me and totally respectful, and while we shared a kiss that made me see my own fireworks (cheesy, I know) it was a sweet, innocent kiss that didn't make me feel like he was expecting more. That weekend he went with my family to mass for the first time and it was a really nice feeling having this man I cared about next me to in worship.
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| Waiting for the fireworks...the real ones, not the ones from the kiss |
Well, I was hooked. His pursuing of my heart had pretty much won. But there were still things I needed to get clear before letting this go any further. We continued to have conversations about God, faith, Catholicism. We talked about why he fell away from church and would he ever get back. To which he said that he wanted to feel about his faith the way he had in high school, just never knew how to get back to that. Would he go to church with me? Absolutely. I don't want to stay stagnant in my faith, would he be willing to grow with me? Yes. My heart was a little more at ease.
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| O's game! (And the night he first said he loved me) |
In August Chris invited me along on a family vacation to the Poconos. As we've already established, I'm quite shy and introverted, and we weren't "officially" dating so I was super nervous about meeting his parents but the trip sounded like a lot of fun, they were going river tubing! While we were up there, one of the family friends asked us how long we'd been dating. *crickets* "Oh, um, we, uh...." I think we ended up just saying that we met last November. But later that night Chris and I had the "defining the relationship" talk and he told me he wanted me to be his girlfriend. Thanks family friend for sparking that conversation!
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| From his 25th birthday |
Up until the following April we dated "long distance." Although Jersey to Maryland isn't that long, but it was still a challenge, especially since I was taking classes and doing clinical work that took up a lot of time. In the time of our long distance dating that I really felt like we continued to grow in getting to know each other. As difficult as it is being away from the person you care about, on some level I feel like it forces you to really get to know that person, without any of the physical "stuff" getting in the way.
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| My first time seeing the NY Christmas decorations! |
Speaking of the physical stuff. Chris' past still caused me some pain. It hurt knowing that this man, who I already knew deep in my heart would be my husband, would not be able to share that special moment with me on our wedding night. Chris tried to assure me that it would be different. That he had never told a girl he loved her until me. That he had never felt like this about another girl. And while all of that was nice to hear, it still didn't change the fact that I felt like I would be "competing" against other girls. That he would compare me. And no amount of his ensuring me otherwise would change how I felt. Until that December when he went with me to confession. Driving to the church we talked about we talked about confession, the graces give, the mercy, the forgiveness. We talked about the clean slate you're given. After confession Chris told me that God had forgiven his past, and he hoped that I could do the same. It wasn't until I thought of it in that sense, right there next to the confessionals that I realized I could forgive him. He had been vulnerable enough to lay that out in the confessional and lay it at God's feet and he had a desire to be better, to do better. If I held on to
his past,
I wouldn't be letting him grow. Now that's not to say I didn't, on occasion, still struggle. But over, going to confession together still helped me.
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| His cousin's wedding |
When Lent came around that year, Chris was asking me what I planned to give up. I told him I usually try and focus less on the "giving up" part and more on the "adding something part." I told him one year I made an extra effort to make sure I made it to daily mass, and that year I believe I made a bigger effort to make sure I prayed a daily rosary. Chris, without telling me, decided to go to daily mass that Lent. It wasn't until he got a job interview, and then a job with Morgan Stanley in Baltimore that he told me what he had done for Lent. Getting him to Baltimore was obviously a big prayer on our hearts, and God answered.
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| My "Ahh We're Engaged!" face |
Chris moved to Baltimore in April (which was much closer to my parents house in Ellicott City than Jersey) and we spent 7 "close distance" months together until he proposed in November of 2011. And the rest is history in the making. I just thank God every day for opening my heart to this man. He has made me happier than I ever imagined possible and every day I can feel our love grow and watching him on his journey back to loving Our Lord has been an incredible blessing. Please continue to pray for us on our married journey.
*Now, to explain the title of these posts. Chris has always had the most unique "pet" names for me. My favorite of those, is Schmusebär. Chris speaks German and one night as we were getting off the phone he said, "Good night mein klein schmusebar" Huh? Apparently it means something along the lines of my little cuddly bear. I loved it. And what I love even more is that he doesn't always call me this, he'll break it out randomly and each time I again melt into a puddle of mush*
