“I am just still so full of hope!” I said that to my husband this morning as we
were getting ready for work.
This is National Infertility Awareness Week. This is one week out of the year when the
silent crosses that 1 in 8 couples carry is brought to the attention of the
masses. I still find it difficult to
talk about – here or in person, but I have slowly become more open with those
closest to me (and apparently anyone who reads this blog).
As I wrote about in an earlier post, we have begun the
journey into NaPro technology and Creighton charting. In fact, today we had our first meeting with
our NaPro doctor to discuss where we go from here and to look over our chart. So next cycle we start blood tests & sonograms & apparently dye getting put in places that I would never want it to be.
BUT! The hope. I am in love with hope – probably to the
point of recklessness. Take this cycle
for example (we’re about to flirt with the “TMI” line, just as a
forewarning). A couple cycles ago I was “diagnosed”
with limited mucus and was told to begin taking 500mg of sustained release B6. I was thrilled. Here was something I could work with! And taking a vitamin to help? Heck yea I can do that!
Next cycle was better…no positive, but better. And then this cycle I get sick at the
beginning and start taking Mucinex. And
then whoa – that plus the B6 created quite the combination. My whole cycle this month has just been off…and
every little thing that could be seen as a potential early pregnancy sign? Yea, I’m convinced I have it. But there’s still 2 weeks before knowing for
sure. I just keep saying to myself, “this
could be it! You may not even need the
doctor!”
And then I begin thinking…I can’t post this blog post or pin
that infertility awareness pin and then 2 weeks later turn up pregnant! That doesn’t seem right/fair/kind to
others! This is going to sound odd…but I
feel like an “infertility impostor.” I
think about friends who have had multiple miscarriages, or my sister who
carried the cross of infertility for 11 years.
ELEVEN! My measly 2 years looks
laughable in comparison. [This is just how I feel…by no means is 2 years of infertility
laughable, please don’t take this the wrong way]
Besides the ache to hold my own child in my arms…this is
probably the thing that I struggle with the most. I make excuses to those people who do know
about it and downplay how I am feeling big time…because I feel like
an impostor. But what’s even worse is
that I WANT to be an “imposter” because that would mean that I am pregnant!
These swirly thoughts are exhausting – let me tell ya! Anyway…enough about me. Let’s take a look at some great suggestions
on how to support your friends with infertility. I literally burst into tears when I read the
sixth way because I totally relate.
For those of you who don’t know what Creighton and NaPro are
– here are some good resources
