I haven't shared a lot about my pregnancy on any sort of social media forum - very few pregnant belly photos, and one of the nursery. In fact, I don't even really have many photos of my belly. Which is odd because I definitely thought that I would be "that person" who took a belly photo every week. In fact, I have a feeling I'll regret not doing that...but it is what it is. I have (of course) thought long and hard about this. I've come up with a few reasons why I think I've been so hush hush about our little one, our joy.
I don't want to cause anyone pain from any of my postings about my joy, worries, pictures etc. I know that there are people out there who are struggling with infertility and/or recurrent miscarriages. I remember the odd mixture of sadness and joy I would feel whenever someone would post their belly photos or baby announcements. I think about this every time I go to post a photo - and I'm not saying I haven't posted any, but I think that's why I've limited them.
But I've also had to learn that it's ok for me to be happy about this pregnancy and the baby doing flips and tumbles in my belly. I've also had to learn that it's also ok to not love every single moment of being pregnant. Overall, I have been blessed with a healthy, relatively easy pregnancy but that certainly doesn't mean there aren't moments of discomfort. I felt guilty actually voicing any discomforts because we wanted for so long to be pregnant that it didn't feel right saying anything other than positive things. But that's not being truly present in these moments, and it's ignoring a reality. I can still be so incredibly grateful for this little life while also dreading the discomforts that come with sleep during the 3rd trimester.
I've also had to learn a whole new level of trust in God. I realized that throughout this pregnancy I have felt like I won't get to keep this baby. Depressing, I know. But it's true. I think it's normal to feel like it's not real...but it really just hasn't felt real and I feel like I just keep waiting for the "just kidding! you don't get to hold that sweet baby in your arms!" I shared this with my coworkers at a meeting one day to ask for prayer and our Vice Principal copied some pages from a mother's prayer book for me. Boy did those prayers hit right at my heart. They even spoke of Our Blessed Mother's possible anxiety during her pregnancy for the well being of the unborn Savior. I've been trying to say these prayers as much as possible - especially during moments when I most feel anxious. I don't remember the name of the book and I need to get it from her. Prayer and trust...reminding myself that God has our best interest.
I am hoping to write more in these last weeks of me being pregnant - only 6 weeks to go! Any moms out there who have any tips/advice for a newbie who is starting to feel woefully unprepared to be a mom - feel free to pass them along!
